Consistency

Consistency is one of the most useful life skills I’ve developed since starting college.  Once I was on my own, there was no one to make sure I did my assignments, went to class, or maintained any kind of self-care.  I barely even knew what self-care was.  My life was in my hands and I had no idea how to healthfully live it.  

This led to all the social and personal growing pains we inevitably experience one time or another.  I lived with no structure, never daring to take advantage of opportunities.  My social life in particular struggled and failed.  For a long time I thought finding a partner was the cure-all solution.  If only the right person was in my life, I’d never have to feel alone again, I thought.  Unbeknownst to me, what I really wanted was for someone to give me structure.

The best and worst day of my life was when I realized that no one could provide me with this.  I couldn’t live in a bubble, handed a schedule everyday by a disembodied hand.  As soon as that syllabus or job manual or itinerary ended, so did my structure.  I had to build my own from the ground up.  Structure in school, in social relationships, in self-care, in taking care of my body, in taking care of my mind.  Every one of these are interconnected so innately that they might as well be sides of the same die.  

Did I apply this principle to anything the next day?  No, I did not.  There was still one thing missing: motivation.  I’d searched for it for years.  The fuel that seemed to make every other person in the world tick.  What did they all do to earn this seemingly endless passion for their career and marriage as college life faded into the background?  What I did not know was that this ethereal engine did not exist.  

It was several years further into adulthood when my therapist offered me an idea so simple, yet I’d never considered it:

Doing things regardless of whether or not the motivation is there.  Your feelings need not determine your actions.

Yet another life changing moment that I try to apply to my everyday life, though I often fail.  I am still only a few years into practicing true consistency.  I try to incorporate the virtue into all my lessons, though.  I’ve tutored many students who want to succeed, yet something is missing.  I end every lesson with some short assignments to work on until the next session.  Many students groan at the thought.  The point, whether they know it or not, is to teach them a lesson that improves not only their academic performance, but every other aspect of their life as well.

One cannot learn Spanish without applying verb conjugations.

One cannot learn math without solving equations.

One cannot learn how to take a test without taking tests.

One cannot learn how to write an essay without reading and writing many essays.

If ever one wishes to become good at something, to become a better person, to become a better friend, to become healthier,

One must be consistent.

I’ll leave with a quote by a man I idolized throughout much of high school.

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot”

-Stephen King